New Catholic Church/ DUP coalition! Is this they way forward?

[T Fearon]

Love they Neighbour? Even if he is a paedophiles? I should love him and facilitate all his perversions?

Catch a grip.All main Christian Churches believe in Heaven and Hell,and the absolute need for repentance from sin.

[Hardy]

Don't hold back muppet. Open goal.

[muppet]

Love they Neighbour? Even if he is a paedophiles? I should love him and facilitate all his perversions?

Catch a grip.All main Christian Churches believe in Heaven and Hell,and the absolute need for repentance from sin.

Open goal is right Hardy.

But I just want to capture the quote.

Tony has just had his Colonel Jessup moment: "You're Damn Right I Ordered the Code Red!!!"

[haveaharp]

Love they Neighbour? Even if he is a paedophiles? I should love him and facilitate all his perversions?

Catch a grip.All main Christian Churches believe in Heaven and Hell,and the absolute need for repentance from sin.

Open goal is right Hardy.

But I just want to capture the quote.

Tony has just had his Colonel Jessup moment: "You're Damn Right I Ordered the Code Red!!!"

[give her dixie]

Gay ref shown red card over rainbow wristband

Referee for last night's Croker game banned by GAA from wearing symbol aimed at highlighting homophobia and his call for referendum 'Yes' vote

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/news/gay-ref-shown-red-card-over-rainbow-wristband-31049508.html

[T Fearon]

Quite right the GAA should not be used for political purposes.

Meanwhile the warped thinking of Hardy and Muppet is beyond belief.

[muppet]

Quite right the GAA should not be used for political purposes.

Meanwhile the warped thinking of Hardy and Muppet is beyond belief.

Yes, hate your neighbour is the way to go.

[easytiger95]

A Few Gay Men

Interior courtroom – the light is dull, the atmosphere heavy and mean. A couple of spectators flutter fans, some pull on their collars. Leaning with his knuckles on the table, back to the witness box, is a young lawyer (who looks remarkably like a young, non-insane Tom Cruise) staring at a glass of water. Condensation trickles down the side of the glass, as does a bead of sweat down the side of his aquiline face. He swallows, oblivious to a strange burbling sound that emanates from over his shoulder – the witness box, which could be accurately described as the epicentre of the heaviness and meanness in the chamber.

A man sits in the box, his not-insubstantial frame wedged into it and bulging slightly over the side. A pair of horn rimmed specs perch on his nose, a copy of the Belfast Telegraph with an unfinished Sudoku puzzle is grasped in his paws, and there is a cake in a box with some icing on it, which declares "Eat my Swiss roll if you oppose gay marriage".

But it is his clothes that catch the eye. He is wearing the uniform of the Papal Guards – it is unclear whether this is because he is a devout member of the Vatican military or because he thinks stripes are thinning. He pushes the shiny helmet up off his forehead and as he does, it is clear that he is the source of this strange sound, a kind of gargling incoherence, mixed with a soupcon of self satisfaction......

The witness - "So all I can do is live my life trying to avoid sin. Now I know what you're thinking – self righteous, moi?" A high-pitched giggle. "But when you are all frying in the eternal fires of hell, lamenting your sins and decadence for millennia without end, myself and God and the rest of the Saints, will be looking down and laughing and laughing, ha, ha, ha look at those sinners, especially those dirty atheists, and those homosexuals, flesh crisping off their bones, ha, ha, ha...."

He stops momentarily, his eyes, that had glazed over like a sex addict's in a brothel, go clear again. He resumes "But of course, I have no problems with homosexuals, none at all. Love the sinner, hate the sin, that's me. Indeed some of my best customers are homosexuals. Obviously though, as soon as I found out they were gay, I stopped serving them. Such is life, though, when you live by the Scriptures. Or is it the Gospels? I can never remember the difference.......I f**king hate atheists though. I knew your father, by the way...."

The lawyer, who had seemed almost catatonic, whilst the waves of verbosity washed around him, now lifts his head. "What did you say?" the words clenched through gritted teeth.

"Oh yes, I knew him way back when. I had actually won a Spot-the-ball competition in an edition of the Stonewall Times someone had left in the B'N'B – strange paper, but I found it very interesting – anyway, I digress. I had an Opus Dei conference booked in so I couldn't avail of the prize, which was two nights in the Bleeding Palms guesthouse and 2 tickets to a recording of Murphy's Micro Quiz 'Em. So of course, I gave them to your Dad. Imagine my horror when I realised he was bringing his fiancée, your mother, you know....the slut.

So we thought we'd have a little fun with him – I rang RTE and told them the situation, and they agreed to put up the phrase "Fornicators" on the computer screen every time the camera cut to them in the audience. Hilariously, the landlady of Bleeding Palms was a huge Mike Murphy fan, and when she saw the show she did what any Christian lady would do. She poured sulphuric acid over their clothes, burnt the mattress and put in the windscreen of their car with a rock. Oh, we laughed! And you know, I think he really respected her views in the end.

Of course, the landlady was a little bit out of order, as she was a woman, and by the Scriptures, she shouldn't really be expressing an opinion. But anyway, I must be going......"

He heaves his bulk out of the stand, adjusts the toy sword hanging around his belly, daintily adjusts the plume of his helmet and moves to walk out of the room.

The lawyer picks up the glass, and drinks the water, swallowing hard. As his throat works, his tie becomes loose, and under his crisp white shirt we can see a glimpse of a green and red jersey, strange attire though it is for a court room. "I haven't dismissed you" he almost whispers.

"What do you mean? How dare you?" squeals the witness.

"Sit back down. I haven't dismissed you."

The witness huffs back to the box, a flurry of stripes, feathers and high dudgeon. "I have to be getting back.."

"To your B'N'B?"

"Yes, as you well know."

"This is the Fearon's House of Moral Rectitude in Portadown?"

"Yes. I've answered all this already."

"And you refused an elderly gay couple a room last year, because, in your words, you didn't want to facilitate a sin?"

"Yes, as is my right as a Christian."

"Yet on the same evening, you facilitated an unmarried couple, a pair of priests and an investment banker?"

"And what would be your problem with that? They were not sinners, as far as I know, and I certainly didn't get any indication the next morning after I sniffed their mattresses. All I'm trying to do is not facilitate sin, as it says in the Scriptures!"

"And you also hosted Cardinal Sean Brady, a man whose inaction allowed decades of abuse to be perpetrated on a generation of children."

"A Prince of the Church and the walking human embodiment of a My Little Pony, I won't have a word said against him."

"What's the first line of the Bible?"

"What?"

"What's the first line of the Bible?"

"I'm not really into the minutiae of the details of the words of the Bible, I'm more about finding a deep expression of the Holy Spirit inside myself, allied with my own instinct about human nature and ..."

"WHAT IS THE FIRST LINE OF THE BIBLE?"

"YOU WANT ANSWERS???"

"I WANT THE TRUTH!!"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!! The truth is I wake up every morning and eat my breakfast with spitting distance of a teeming horde of atheists and sodomites who want to tear me apart. And then I have to listen to bleeding heart liberals like yourself and the Pope telling me to love my neighbour. Love my neighbour? LOVE MY NEIGHBOUR??? HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN TO PORTADOWN???

The only thing standing between the entire human race and the Anti Christ is the door of my B'N'B. And the truth is, you want me on that door, you need me on that door, and I will not let myself be besmirched by those who prosper under the Godly shield which I provide for them."

The court has fallen silent. The witness, mopping his brow, moves out of the stand again, muttering something about a Trappist table quiz he has to get to.

The lawyer motions with his hand "Bailiffs – take him down."

The witness is taken away.

The lawyers stands in the room, a Mayo jersey clearly visible under his drenched white shirt.

"Now you're dismissed."

[T Fearon]

So you would love Brendan Smyth? And no doubt Hardy adores Sean Brady ,even though he once deemed him to be a "miserable bastard?"

Can people not differentiate between the generic teachings of Jesus (when he said Love thy Neighbour,he was talking generically about your fellow man and woman,not every odious individual),or like the fundamentalists do you interpret everything literally?

[muppet]

A Few Gay Men

Interior courtroom – the light is dull, the atmosphere heavy and mean. A couple of spectators flutter fans, some pull on their collars. Leaning with his knuckles on the table, back to the witness box, is a young lawyer (who looks remarkably like a young, non-insane Tom Cruise) staring at a glass of water. Condensation trickles down the side of the glass, as does a bead of sweat down the side of his aquiline face. He swallows, oblivious to a strange burbling sound that emanates from over his shoulder – the witness box, which could be accurately described as the epicentre of the heaviness and meanness in the chamber.

A man sits in the box, his not-insubstantial frame wedged into it and bulging slightly over the side. A pair of horn rimmed specs perch on his nose, a copy of the Belfast Telegraph with an unfinished Sudoku puzzle is grasped in his paws, and there is a cake in a box with some icing on it, which declares "Eat my Swiss roll if you oppose gay marriage".

But it is his clothes that catch the eye. He is wearing the uniform of the Papal Guards – it is unclear whether this is because he is a devout member of the Vatican military or because he thinks stripes are thinning. He pushes the shiny helmet up off his forehead and as he does, it is clear that he is the source of this strange sound, a kind of gargling incoherence, mixed with a soupcon of self satisfaction......

The witness - "So all I can do is live my life trying to avoid sin. Now I know what you're thinking – self righteous, moi?" A high-pitched giggle. "But when you are all frying in the eternal fires of hell, lamenting your sins and decadence for millennia without end, myself and God and the rest of the Saints, will be looking down and laughing and laughing, ha, ha, ha look at those sinners, especially those dirty atheists, and those homosexuals, flesh crisping off their bones, ha, ha, ha...."

He stops momentarily, his eyes, that had glazed over like a sex addict's in a brothel, go clear again. He resumes "But of course, I have no problems with homosexuals, none at all. Love the sinner, hate the sin, that's me. Indeed some of my best customers are homosexuals. Obviously though, as soon as I found out they were gay, I stopped serving them. Such is life, though, when you live by the Scriptures. Or is it the Gospels? I can never remember the difference.......I f**king hate atheists though. I knew your father, by the way...."

The lawyer, who had seemed almost catatonic, whilst the waves of verbosity washed around him, now lifts his head. "What did you say?" the words clenched through gritted teeth.

"Oh yes, I knew him way back when. I had actually won a Spot-the-ball competition in an edition of the Stonewall Times someone had left in the B'N'B – strange paper, but I found it very interesting – anyway, I digress. I had an Opus Dei conference booked in so I couldn't avail of the prize, which was two nights in the Bleeding Palms guesthouse and 2 tickets to a recording of Murphy's Micro Quiz 'Em. So of course, I gave them to your Dad. Imagine my horror when I realised he was bringing his fiancée, your mother, you know....the slut.

So we thought we'd have a little fun with him – I rang RTE and told them the situation, and they agreed to put up the phrase "Fornicators" on the computer screen every time the camera cut to them in the audience. Hilariously, the landlady of Bleeding Palms was a huge Mike Murphy fan, and when she saw the show she did what any Christian lady would do. She poured sulphuric acid over their clothes, burnt the mattress and put in the windscreen of their car with a rock. Oh, we laughed! And you know, I think he really respected her views in the end.

Of course, the landlady was a little bit out of order, as she was a woman, and by the Scriptures, she shouldn't really be expressing an opinion. But anyway, I must be going......"

He heaves his bulk out of the stand, adjusts the toy sword hanging around his belly, daintily adjusts the plume of his helmet and moves to walk out of the room.

The lawyer picks up the glass, and drinks the water, swallowing hard. As his throat works, his tie becomes loose, and under his crisp white shirt we can see a glimpse of a green and red jersey, strange attire though it is for a court room. "I haven't dismissed you" he almost whispers.

"What do you mean? How dare you?" squeals the witness.

"Sit back down. I haven't dismissed you."

The witness huffs back to the box, a flurry of stripes, feathers and high dudgeon. "I have to be getting back.."

"To your B'N'B?"

"Yes, as you well know."

"This is the Fearon's House of Moral Rectitude in Portadown?"

"Yes. I've answered all this already."

"And you refused an elderly gay couple a room last year, because, in your words, you didn't want to facilitate a sin?"

"Yes, as is my right as a Christian."

"Yet on the same evening, you facilitated an unmarried couple, a pair of priests and an investment banker?"

"And what would be your problem with that? They were not sinners, as far as I know, and I certainly didn't get any indication the next morning after I sniffed their mattresses. All I'm trying to do is not facilitate sin, as it says in the Scriptures!"

"And you also hosted Cardinal Sean Brady, a man whose inaction allowed decades of abuse to be perpetrated on a generation of children."

"A Prince of the Church and the walking human embodiment of a My Little Pony, I won't have a word said against him."

"What's the first line of the Bible?"

"What?"

"What's the first line of the Bible?"

"I'm not really into the minutiae of the details of the words of the Bible, I'm more about finding a deep expression of the Holy Spirit inside myself, allied with my own instinct about human nature and ..."

"WHAT IS THE FIRST LINE OF THE BIBLE?"

"YOU WANT ANSWERS???"

"I WANT THE TRUTH!!"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!! The truth is I wake up every morning and eat my breakfast with spitting distance of a teeming horde of atheists and sodomites who want to tear me apart. And then I have to listen to bleeding heart liberals like yourself and the Pope telling me to love my neighbour. Love my neighbour? LOVE MY NEIGHBOUR??? HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN TO PORTADOWN???

The only thing standing between the entire human race and the Anti Christ is the door of my B'N'B. And the truth is, you want me on that door, you need me on that door, and I will not let myself be besmirched by those who prosper under the Godly shield which I provide for them."

The court has fallen silent. The witness, mopping his brow, moves out of the stand again, muttering something about a Trappist table quiz he has to get to.

The lawyer motions with his hand "Bailiffs – take him down."

The witness is taken away.

The lawyers stands in the room, a Mayo jersey clearly visible under his drenched white shirt.

"Now you're dismissed."

Brilliant.

There were tears streaming down my eyes, so much that I read this: The lawyer motions with his hand "Bailiffs – take him down.", as "Biffos - take him down"  in error.

[easytiger95]

Biffos is better Muppet.

[muppet]

So you would love Brendan Smyth? And no doubt Hardy adores Sean Brady ,even though he once deemed him to be a "miserable b**tard?"

Can people not differentiate between the generic teachings of Jesus (when he said Love thy Neighbour,he was talking generically about your fellow man and woman,not every odious individual),or like the fundamentalists do you interpret everything literally?

A new line there for you easytiger: Love thy neighbour, but not every odious individual!

[T Fearon]

Some of you really need to do an Alpha course.The knowledge of the Bible and Religion in general is appalling

[muppet]

Some of you really need to do an Alpha course.The knowledge of the Bible and Religion in general is appalling

Read the Bible! But not every odious verse?

[T Fearon]

So did/do you love Brendan Smyth?