Messages

Fu*k just remembered another one. Was in Florida and out swimming in the ocean/sea and a shark swam past me only about 8-10 feet away. Now the scary shit was that the night b4 i had watched the film "Deep Blue Sea" and i shit a brick. Tell ya what if i could run as fast as i swam that day i'd be some footballer . But seriously it was the scariest thing while swimming for the shore i was expecting to be pulled under like f**king "JAWS". The Lifeguard seen me swimming like f**k and ran down to see what the problem was, he told me them sharks swim in and around the public all the time they just don't know it and of course he said they watch them feed in the mornings by the peir. That was the last time i went into the water on that particular holiday...

These would be some tales to tell while pinting down the local...

While on holiday in South Africa some little black kid (about 12-13) stole a hand gun of a guard/cop and was running like f**k to get away while they chased after him, he ran towards me and the family and hid behind us while holding the hand gun. About 20 meters away were about 5-6 guards/cops aiming guns at him but of course we were in between him and the cops, it all happened so quick and it wasn't till afterwards when you think about it that it could very easily have ended in a gun fight and we would have been like a f**king tea bag...

Lads i backed 5th place in the Irish National (25/1 so done it each way) i ripped up the docket as i was always under the impression that only first 4 places are paid out. However, some guys were telling me that bookies pay out on 5th on the National is there any truth in it or does it depend who the bookie is?

Which bookie was it?

"Frenche's Bookies in Lurgan. Just found out there that he will not be paying out on 5th place but other bookies in the town did. I thought he might have even returned the stake

how did shannon fare up the last day against roscommon?

Doubt there be 2 many changes to be honest after the emphaic win over roscommon.  Would be harsh dropping swift after the last day heard he was excellent though mcgrane's experience could be telling.  Another option could be swift at ff with clarke a doubt.

would like to see vernon get a run in half forward line, in second half couldnt see him starting. 

Would be very worried about finn mo at corner back against pacey cornr forwards will give away frees and that recipe for disaster with vaughan playing. 

Ill admit i'm not Finn Mo's biggest fan but did he not hold Thomas Freeman scoreless from play? and if so thats an achievement as Freeman is a class act...It should be a cracker of a game and i'd say C Whelan will start for Dublin but McGrane can handle him alright...

Lads i backed 5th place in the Irish National (25/1 so done it each way) i ripped up the docket as i was always under the impression that only first 4 places are paid out. However, some guys were telling me that bookies pay out on 5th on the National is there any truth in it or does it depend who the bookie is?

Did Cluxton get it that year?

Dunno. He claims he did, from a young blade from Drumcondra but none of the lads believe him.

Oh he got it alright but it was C Whelan who gave him it

Why the deferred coverage, as the time will have changed why not just play one game at 2pm and the other at 3:45 and show them live. Why are all games at 2:30? Even IllDecide could play his game and come from Lurgan with a later throw in.

Illdecide can take his time as we no longer have a game on sunday It's parking you're fecking car that does my head in.

So if i wanna see Armagh hand out a few beatings to the Dubs (like we did for league game in Croker in 03 ) i hafta go the Cross to witness it. No fecking TV coverage WTF

Remember his sly short and accurate kick out to Marsden which resulted in the onion bag rattled at the other end of the pitch

True his kick outs in general were poor (averaged about the 45 line) but he could pick out a pass and was accurate...

Making a baby. This is hilarious!


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted

Lads there were a few incidents but thats football, if someone gets a slap on the chin "so what" dust yourself down man and get on with it. Cross won the tournament and deservedly so. The incident that Winsam talks about def happened but there you go sometimes they go against you and sometimes they go against you The ref was an Ogs man can't remember his name but not Mr McKee

J Murtagh def kicked the Clans keeper and got biffed for his troubles (although J Murtagh got punched by a 11 stone guy but went down like Winsam had hit him ) in fairness both men got the line and rightly so. All in all it was a good day and well run just a pity it was Baltic (still haven't thawed out)

Three Irishmen and three Englishmen are travelling by train to a
football   match in London. At the station, the three English each buy a
ticket and   watch as the three Irish buy just one ticket between them.

'How are the   three of you going to travel on only one ticket?', asks
one of  the English.   
'Watch and learn,' answers one of the Irish. They all board the train.

The English take their respective seats but all three Irish cram into a
toilet and close the door behind them. 
Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect
the tickets.   
He knocks on the toilet door and   says, 'Ticket please.' The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The
conductor takes it and moves on. 
The English are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they
decide to copy the Irish   (like always!) on the return trip and save
some money.   When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for
the return trip... 
To their astonishment, the Irish don't buy a ticket at all !!
'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asks one perplexed English.

'Watch and learn...'   says one Paddy. 
When they board the train the three Irish cram into a toilet and soon after
the three English pile into another nearby. The train departs. 
Shortly afterwards, one of the Irish leaves the toilet and sneaks across to
the toilet where the English are hiding. 
He knocks on the door and says, 'Ticket please...'   
SWEET

Lads usualy when 2 tyrone men are fighting i'd sit back and watch but this time it's time to break it up. We are only expressing our views (either right or wrong). The fact of the matter is that WGS is not cut out to be a top Celtic manager and majority of his signings prove this. Also his motivation skills seem to be zero as Walter Smith can seem to motivate a pile of dung and WGS cannie.

My opinion is that he was very lucky in first 2 years to come up with no resistance from any other club in Scotland and now when it's put up to him he's cracking like an egg. I'm personaly fed up with his excusses like "we were unlucky", "we hit the bar/post 5 million times" whatever. The fact of the matter is we have played shite all year with the exception of about 6 games and our results show this "drawing with St Mirren, dundee UTD and loosing to Abeerdeen etc etc. And another thing lads (and i'd rather win playing poor than loose playing great) in the bad old days of the 90's when the Huns were dominating Celtic could still play attractive football and were a treat to watch, they had some flair but now when you watch them it's like Irish League standard...

I used to be able to row 2800m in 10mins flat out which was a ball breaker although it seems similar times to your's just a bit longer. Armagh squad used to have to row 300m in 1 minute then rest for 30sec this was repeated 6 times so you have six 1 minute rows but you must achieve 300m in that minute and you're 30sec intervals. after that was achieved you then added ten 30sec rows with ten 30sec intervals and having to hit the 150m in you're 30 sec row which is almost impossible to do.

Have a go at the six 1 minute rows with a 30sec break and see how you get on...Oh i forgot to mention all done at max strength/power or no10 on the machine.

Subject: Know who your friends are



Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's
10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed that he was still there.