Corny One for Friday

Started by 5 Sams, November 10, 2006, 11:22:24 AM

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armaghniac

My wife said "come into the bedroom and I'll put on that black lace number..."
I said, "No thanks, I can't stand 'Agadoo'..."
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Ambrose

My mate with a stutter was telling me about his Nana.

By the end of it we were all singing Hey Jude.
You can't live off history and tradition forever

Orior

The mayor of Georgetown takes a comfort break, but forgets to switch off his microphone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_4aKlsgfHY

Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

screenexile


trileacman

Fantasy Rugby World Cup Champion 2011,
Fantasy 6 Nations Champion 2014

Orior

Quote from: Fionntamhnach on September 10, 2020, 10:04:12 PM
A polite note to all women: if your man says that he'll fix something, then he'll fix it. You don't have to keep asking him every six months.

Course if you don't fix a crack in a wall then after 6 months it becomes invisible.
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

Orior

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?"

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."

Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."

Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog...."
Cover me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians

armaghniac

Maradonna. Now he was a handy player.
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Jeepers Creepers

Just found out the the oul Granda is addicted to Viagra.......Grannys taking it harder than anyone!

laoislad

I was in Tesco earlier.

There was a fella in a blind rush filling his trolley with tequila, Old El Paso buritto kits and a sombrero.

I thought to myself, "Hispanic buying"
When you think you're fucked you're only about 40% fucked.

johnnycool

got sent this today;


This Covid vaccine has to be stored and transported at -70 degrees. Only one man for this job.

Mo Robinson, AKA polar express.



:o

grounded

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said "So, why are you here?"

The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything.... the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?"

"Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "So, why are you here?"
The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it.

When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."
"So what are they going to do to you ?" the Yellow Lab enquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

The Great Dane said, "No. Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

armaghniac

If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

armaghniac

Putin calls in his advisor and says that I hope the Special Military Operation is going well. His advisor can't think what to say, then he announces "our tanks are successfully stopping their anti-tank missiles".
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Windmill abu

Snow White and Seven Dwarfs are in a serious car crash.
GardaĆ­ and Ambulance men at the scene think all are dead until they hear a faint voice calling from the wreckage.
"Mayo will win the All Ireland" said the faint voice.
"Oh thank God" said the Garda "at least Dopey is still alive"
Never underestimate the power of complaining