Depression

[LeoMc]

Bump

Good call, there is always someone to listen. The anonymity of the board should make it easier but the key is to talk through issues. Putting them into words puts them in context.

[Jell 0 Biafra]

Bump for Scotland fans?

[Milltown Row2]

Bump for Scotland fans?

Think the Scottish one are happy to be there, and involved.. they were never going to get much out of it

[Jell 0 Biafra]

Yeah, but they didn't expect a 5-1 mauling either.

[paddyjohn]

Bump

[OakLeaf]

I have a couple of friends who suffer and they say that running (or exercise in general) can really help. I'm not a sufferer but I know that running helps me destress. Plenty of clubs all across the country, as well as park runs every Saturday morning (which are good social events). Sorry if this has been raised before. I haven't read back through the whole thread.

[Cunny Funt]

Fair play to Jon Bon Jovi, hopefully the woman can get some proper care.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cjrder972xgo

[Eamonnca1]

I have a couple of friends who suffer and they say that running (or exercise in general) can really help. I'm not a sufferer but I know that running helps me destress. Plenty of clubs all across the country, as well as park runs every Saturday morning (which are good social events). Sorry if this has been raised before. I haven't read back through the whole thread.

Running or cycling is very helpful to me. A bit of cardio gets the endorphins going and promotes a feeling of wellbeing.

[Eamonnca1]

Bumping for daylight savings. A difficult time of year for a lot of people. It can be a hard slog all the way to the "grand stretch in the evenings" bit.

[Eamonnca1]

Sorry for the long post, I'm just venting here.


She went nuclear on me last night.

I'm not a huge fan of Halloween, but I'll go with the flow. Last year I spent a few weeks making an aeroplane costume for our son who's now 3. The kids loved it so much that we kept it to use again this year, so I had a bit of work to do to put it back together. I burned a bit of midnight oil on Wednesday night to put it all back together and make some repairs. Slept on the couch to avoid going to bed late and waking her up (her sleep requirements are unique. Needs a lot of it, and she's a light sleeper. The slightest noise or light will wake her up and put her in a foul mood the next day).

Yesterday at work the wife sent me a message saying that she was making a costume for me, some crab character from a kids' movie. I said "no thanks" but she insisted, so I chose not to argue. I sometimes feel a bit ridiculous wearing a costume, it seems a bit childish. (I had an episode over ten years ago when my GF and I went to a costume party but I just felt ridiculous and anxious the whole time. She could see that and suggested we just go home, which we did.) I thought this time I'd probably feel a bit weird at first but I'm sure it'd be okay once we get into the swing of things, so I'll just wear the costume and pass no remarks.

Well I got out of work as quickly as I could to pick our little boy up from daycare. Got home and ate the quickly-prepared reheated dinner, got costumes on the kids and put on the costume that my wife had made for me and she put on hers. Went out to the neighbourhood street party where all the kids and congregate on the street. She could tell I wasn't 100% into it at first on the way over, I said I looked ridiculous, and she started asking me to basically buck up and try to look like I was enjoying myself. She starts going on and on about how it's all supposed to be fun, I'm supposed to enjoy it, supposed to be proud of the kids' costumes, etc.. I said "okay, okay, stop nagging me." That provoked her and the berating got a little worse, she insisted that she was trying to lift my mood, but the nagging died down eventually.

We got to the party and we all had a good time. I got into the spirit of things and it was all okay, didn't feel at all anxious. Lots of laughter, people admiring the kids' costumes, and taking pictures of the little one in his cardboard plane while my wife was dressed as those airport marshals who direct the pilots when parking planes. It was hilarious. Also met a nice couple who are the parents of our son's friend at daycare.

We then went to a friend's house where they have a big trick-or-treating setup on this street where half the homeowners go go all-out for Halloween with big elaborate displays, and it gets a ton of kids coming by in their costumes.

Still a good time, no problems, kids were loving it, no arguments or anything. Great little family gathering with kids and friends. As it got later it was time to get the kids home and into bed, so we packed everything up, put the kids into the bike, and we made our way down the street but stopped to take a closer look at some of the displays. She took the kids out of the bike so they could trick-or-treat, I managed the bikes by turning off the lights to save the batteries, moved her bike out of the street so it didn't get hit by any passing cars, etc. I looked up and didn't see the wife or the kids anywhere, so I started looking for them among the crowd. I went to the house next door, no sign of them, but I took a picture of the display. Went across the street to the other prominent houses, taking a few pictures on the way but still no sign of the kids.

This is where it went downhill. My wife comes running across the street shouting and roaring at me to take care of the kids who she had now left at the side of the street. I told her I was looking for them. She kept shouting and roaring at me to come and take care of the kids, and I repeated that I was looking for them all, back and forth about six times this went, almost like she didn't believe me. I had to tell her to calm down and stop with the shouting.

We got everyone gathered up, back onto the bikes and rode home. She was still snippy with me and at one point I had to ask "are you okay?" Along the way my daughter said something I didn't quite catch, apparently there was dust in her eye or something. The wife starts on me again for not paying attention, I had to defend myself because I didn't hear what the little girl said.

We get back to the house, get the kids fed and into bed, I read them a story like I always do, lights out.

I ask the wife again if she's okay, because there's obviously something wrong. She doesn't answer, walks past me and goes outside saying she needs to take a walk.

I spend the next half hour getting the place cleaned up with my usual nighttime chores (scrubbing the kitchen clean, scooping the cat litter, feeding the cat, putting away stray toys, redding the place up in general). By the time I'm done she's had her walk, come back, made a cup of chai or something, and in bed before me. I look at her nervously, she's glaring at me like she hates me.

I get into bed and venture to ask "am I in trouble?"

She then launches into an angry five-minute tirade about:

• I'm not doing enough (not true)
• I need to step up and do more for the family (they'll need to invent 26-hour days then, because I'm already flat-out)
• I'm letting her do all the planning for these family events (probably partly true, but only because she creates work to do that I don't always think is necessary)
• I was a miserable party pooper for the first hour (not true, I was fine after a minutes and was fine by the time we got to the party)
• I left it to the last minute to work on the costume (so did she on our costumes)
• I should have known that all the adults also wear costumes at the party (not true, many of them don't and we didn't last year, it didn't seem like a big deal then)
• I didn't thank her enough for making the costume (I had thanked her for the costume)
• What took me so long to get home from work? I stand accused of putting it off because I didn't want to wear a costume. (I left work at 4:10, ten minutes after she stopped working to go and get our daughter)
• Apparently the street party starts at 4:30. She tells me this at 5:30. At 10:00pm she complains that we "missed an hour and a half of the party." (We spent about an hour at the party which was as much as the kids were able to put up with.)
• I passed off the crab costume as my own idea and took credit for it (flat out false, no idea where she got that from)
• I don't say "thank you" enough for all the work she does (not true)
• She did all the planning for when my family came to visit a few weeks ago (not true, I made a detailed plan and spent a week of work chaperoning them around while my wife was at work)
• She did all the work in buying a minivan (partly true, but she wanted the thing more than I did)

I explained the costume anxiety business. "Well why didn't you tell me that before? Why don't you tell me these things? I need you to be more communicative..." etc.

The worst of it was when she accused me of wandering off to take pictures and abandoning my family on the street. I had to interrupt several times to apply the brakes, and then it took about five more attempts to convince her to stop interrupting. I explained to her that I didn't see where they were and I went off looking for them. "I saw you taking pictures of the houses!" Yes, I stuck my phone up for a split second to take a photo, WHILE I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.

I told her that this is what she does all the time, makes up scenarios in her head and mis-remembers what actually happened, making herself look perfect and me look bad. She accuses me of "gaslighting" her and calling her "crazy."

Then she tells me to stop yelling (I wasn't yelling) which is her standard fall-back position when losing an argument. Make a baseless claim that I'm shouting when I'm not. If I were shouting then the kids would have woken up. They didn't.

At this point I just rolled over and shut my eyes. This got her going even more and then she storms off downstairs to sleep on the couch. Comes back up a few minutes later to deliver another barrage of how I need to buck my ideas up before slamming the door. I just ignored her because it's best to just let her have the last word, or you'll be up all night arguing because she won't concede an inch.

I could hear her crying on the couch, I just left her to it. I've tried to comfort her before when she does that but it just makes her worse, so it's best to just duck and cover and let her mood blow over.

I gave her the silent treatment this morning, didn't respond when she said "goodbye" when taking our daughter to school. I took our son to daycare and went on into work.

I don't know what to do tonight. I'm going to have to go home and face her again. I want to drop our son off and then disappear off somewhere and get a room for the night.

We've been getting along just fine lately, but her moods have been a bit volatile. This is one of the worst eruptions I think I've ever seen.

[Milltown Row2]

Need a few days to digest this!

I've the best life!

[Jell 0 Biafra]

Couples therapy.  It sounds like some professional help is needed.

[Substandard]

It always sounds so trite saying chin up or head up, and even more so on this occasion Eamonnca1, there's a huge amount to digest there.  There's a lot of ground that would need compromise there.  First instinct is there's a lot of tension going on that needs to be defused, even if just temporarily.  Is there something could be done, maybe a takeaway or a trip to the cinema with the kids, or something family-oriented that might defuse things a bit?

[quit yo jibbajabba]

She sounds a bit deranged mate. I'm sure you'd like a longer response but that's all I've got for now

Edit - from this it sounds like she hates you

[Sheedy]

Did you tell her to calm down, that always works 🫤