Messages

Yis are all hard to please feckers

For me, its TG4 to see nice girls doing the weather.

I'd like to see Harry on that program where they research ancestors.

I heard her say a few of their names and they were well known loyalist thugs from the Mournview estate now at this point in time i started to panic a bit as i was a we Fenian from Kilwilkee who would be found in a black bin bag somewhere as this was during the bad old days of the troubles so i basically legged it to the car and was gone in 60 seconds...now you know why i hate loyalists as they cost me my threesome...b**tards...

Ha ha sucker! So they pulled the old 'loyalist mob outside my house trick'?

Think back, while you were looking over the menu, a third bird was rifling through your pockets. Pity though, cause all they got was 2 shillings, a hankerchief and a wasted betting stub

Was it:

a) 2 females
b) 1 male, 1 female
c) 2 males
d) other (if so PLEASE state)

I know one of those is called a roast spit - but what are the others called? I need this information just in case I'm asked to particpate and dont want to offend or turn down a good thing.

Kenny Everett - Its a Rap

You can chuck in a word like Circumcision
Cause we're not going in for the Eurovision

[I regret marrying the wife]

Right tell me this lads what is your biggest regret in Life...here are a few examples so you know what I'm blabbering about...

I regret not joining the Irish Army when i was 16
I regret not going to the county trials years ago
I regret ever starting to smoke
I regret not taking that threesome
I regret marrying the wife
I regret not going to Australia years ago
I regret putting £3000 on that horse
I regret not starting my own business etc etc etc


You get my drift...So whats yours???

I think we married the same woman

I always understood it the way Muppet described too.

OK lads, obviously I'm tangling here with Yusuf Islam's fan club here

Can you give me one other example, where one individual addresses another with "That's your fault", where it doesn't mean that's your blame?

And even if it means, in this song's context, that that's your 'defect', how is his being young a 'defect'?

Either way, its a brilliant song by Cat Stevens, but murdered by Boyzonne who either didnt get it or just couldnt deliver.

Dexy's Midnight Runners - Geno


Ghacnh dghpd ghng hg hguh chughdh
Oh, Geno
Bdghd mhgdh ghd ghdd hdwg wpdydp
Oh-oh-oh Geno-o

This is not a puzzle, 3 x 3 = 9 but 3 + 3 = 6, your just changing the symbols

No he didnt change any symbols, just left out a -1.
In the first there are 4 positives and 4 negatives, thus equals zero.
In the second there are 4 positives and 3 negatives, thus equals 1.

Yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, the point is that the series continues ad infinitum.

So it doest matter where I end the written sequence.

This is not a puzzle, 3 x 3 = 9 but 3 + 3 = 6, your just changing the symbols

No i didnt.

Anyway, symbols cannot be changed under the Flags and Emblems Act.

Okay, here's another (old famous one)

The Tortoise challenged Achilles to a race, claiming that he would win as long as Achilles gave him a small head start. Achilles laughed at this, for of course he was a mighty warrior and swift of foot, whereas the Tortoise was heavy and slow.

"How big a head start do you need?" he asked the Tortoise with a smile.

"Ten metres," the latter replied.

Achilles laughed louder than ever. "You will surely lose, my friend, in that case," he told the Tortoise, "but let us race, if you wish it."

"On the contrary," said the Tortoise, "I will win, and I can prove it to you by a simple argument."

"Go on then," Achilles replied, with less confidence than he felt before. He knew he was the superior athlete, but he also knew the Tortoise had the sharper wits, and he had lost many a bewildering argument with him before this.

"Suppose," began the Tortoise, "that you give me a 10-meter head start. Would you say that you could cover that 10 meters between us very quickly?"

"Very quickly," Achilles affirmed.

"And in that time, how far should I have gone, do you think?"

"Perhaps a meter – no more," said Achilles after a moment's thought.

"Very well," replied the Tortoise, "so now there is a meter between us. And you would catch up that distance very quickly?"

"Very quickly indeed!"

"And yet, in that time I shall have gone a little way farther, so that now you must catch that distance up, yes?"

"Ye-es," said Achilles slowly.

"And while you are doing so, I shall have gone a little way farther, so that you must then catch up the new distance," the Tortoise continued smoothly.

Achilles said nothing.

"And so you see, in each moment you must be catching up the distance between us, and yet I – at the same time – will be adding a new distance, however small, for you to catch up again."

"Indeed, it must be so," said Achilles wearily.

"And so you can never catch up," the Tortoise concluded sympathetically.

"You are right, as always," said Achilles sadly – and conceded the race

Orior that's as bad as some Armagh people who think that 1 is equal to 3. 

It is, for large values of 1.

How come something can add up to two different values?

Take the sum below

      1 - 1 + 1 - 1 + 1 - 1 + 1 - 1 + ...

By adding brackets it becomes

     (1 - 1) + (1 - 1) + (1 - 1) + (1 - 1) + ...

which obviously equals zero.

But if i place the brackets slightly differently it becomes

     1 + (-1 + 1) + (-1 + 1) + (-1 + 1) + ...

which obviously equals 1.


Stange eh? (Yes I am)

I used to work with a guy from Dublin who was on the flight. His Dad is a pilot, so he knew what height the plane was at when the initial warning message came through, so he thought he had 10 mins of glide time. Next thing Bang! The overhead lockers opened and luggage started falling on peoples head. He felt felt a terrible pain in his leg and blacked out.

When he woke up he was lying on the motorway.  Then he felt the pain again and passed out.

When he woke up a second time he heard some people walking around saying "he's dead - forget him, he's dead - forget him, he's alive - treat him, he's dead - forget him, etc etc".

A real interesting character, and a good safe bet to sit beside on a plane.