Corny One for Friday

[armaghniac]

I just wanted to warn everyone as I'd hate someone to end up in the same situation. A Dyson ball cleaner isn't what the name suggests.

[SHEEDY]

A guy was trying on a pair of shoes and told the salesman that they were too tight.

"Try them with the tongue out"

"They're thtill thoo thighth!"




When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.




I grew up in a rough area.
As a child people would cover me in chocolate, cream and put a cherry on my head.
It was tough in the gateau.

[Harold Disgracey]

My son asked me: "Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"

"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter" I replied.

"Thanks Dad"

"No problem Alan"

[armaghniac]

BCB beat you to it, Harold, on that one.

[Windmill abu]

"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." Nick Helm

[armaghniac]

They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic. But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

[Orior]

Who can remember all the Bart Simpson pranks phoning Moe's Tavern? Try doing these in your own work.

"Hi sweetie. Is there a guy in your department called Peacock. First name Drew?"

[LeoMc]

Who can remember all the Bart Simpson pranks phoning Moe's Tavern? Try doing these in your own work.

"Hi sweetie. Is there a guy in your department called Peacock. First name Drew?"

Someone managed that on Simon Mayo a few months back. A big Shout out to Drew Peackock on his way to...

[el_cuervo_fc]

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad, but don't worry..........I'll return

[ziggysego]

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad, but don't worry..........I'll return

Urgh 

[brokencrossbar1]

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad, but don't worry..........I'll return

😂

[DrinkingHarp]

A guy was walking through the park and came across an elderly man in his 80's crying on a park bench the week of Christmas.

The guy asks the old man is everything alright? Old man replies, "no not at all."
Guy asks what is the problem, can I help?
Old man states he just got married the week before to a woman in her late 20's and all she wants to do is have sex!! Guy states thats great!! So why are you crying? Old man states - " I forget where I live!!".

[seafoid]

https://www.rte.ie/entertainment/2019/0108/1021955-comedy-gold-the-ten-best-just-a-minute-answers/

[Olly]

The devil says to a  boy I'll eat where you are from. The boy says Liverpool and the devil says I'll eat your liver. Another boy happens on the scene and the devil says i'll eat where yo are from. The boy says Hartlepool and the devil says Ill eat your heart. Then another boy happens on the scene and the devil says I'll eat where youre from. He says ballsbridge and the devil says naw you're alright.

[Jeepers Creepers]

From twitter..

American cousin: "The Irish like potatoes, yeah?"
Me: "That's a stereotype. We eat more pasta and rice."

Five minutes later.

Him: "Do you have any theme parks?"
Me: *Shifts uneasily* "Yeah, uh, one."
"What's the theme?"
"Er..."