Depression

Started by Eamonnca1, October 25, 2013, 09:11:55 PM

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The Iceman

terrible news. I've lost a dear friend to suicide and it's a rough one to wrap your head around. At 11 years old its even worse (not that you can really rank a loss).

I do worry about tv shows like 13 reasons why (now on it's second season with a third in the works) that can glamorize suicide. I know there's never one straightforward answer as to why in every case - but I am concerned by shows like that.

Eamonn, thank you for sharing your story! Looking at 13 reasons why from your perspective does it help or could you see it pulling you further down in to your depression?

I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight

The Iceman

Kate Spade and now Anthony Bourdain....
There's a chapter in freakenomics about suicide spiking when high profile celebrities take their own lives. Tragic stuff
I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight

Eamonnca1

Quote from: The Iceman on June 08, 2018, 02:35:11 PM
terrible news. I've lost a dear friend to suicide and it's a rough one to wrap your head around. At 11 years old its even worse (not that you can really rank a loss).

I do worry about tv shows like 13 reasons why (now on it's second season with a third in the works) that can glamorize suicide. I know there's never one straightforward answer as to why in every case - but I am concerned by shows like that.

Eamonn, thank you for sharing your story! Looking at 13 reasons why from your perspective does it help or could you see it pulling you further down in to your depression?

I'm not familiar with that show, Ice. What's it about?

The Iceman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9KhvG2dpvI

Young girl takes her own life and makes 13 tapes to the 13 people who contributed to her death.
I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight

paddyjohn

Quote from: Eamonnca1 on May 04, 2018, 05:46:53 PM
Quote from: paddyjohn on March 02, 2018, 11:50:10 AM
I lost my best friend to suicide on the 19th March 2001 and buried my father on New Years Day 2002. Inside 9 months I went from a young cocky 20 year old to being complete mess. Depression was something that never entered my head, in my head I was mourning, it was normal. Then bang on Paddys day 2002, I didn't know but a few of my friends had arranged to come lift me and we were for the local to watch the club finals, they wanted to suprise me so I couldn't back out, as I took my first step out of the house, I froze, I couldn't do it. I made an excuse and went back to bed, cold sweats started and I cried into my pillow, again I told myself that I was mourning. One of my mates had rung a girl who I had been seeing before my fathers passing, he told her what had happened and she sent me a text out of the blue a few days later about having a chat, she was a trainee nurse who had spotted the signs after my best mate died the previous year. I met her for a chat a few days later, she told me what she had thought and how my behaviour had changed throughout 2001 and thats why our relationship had ended in her opinion. She accompanied me to see a doctor who diagnosed me with depression. I was scared and to be honest I was embarrassed but at the same time I felt like my world had changed, I could think clear again, I could look people in the eye without fear of bursting into tears when they asked about me or my family. I spoke to my family and told them what had happened and how I had been feeling, they knew what was happening and only then did it strike me that I was never alone, everywhere I went there was one of them with me, they were scared that I was going to do the same as my best mate but didn't want to say it straight out. Thankfully after a few months of spilling my thoughts out to the doctor, I had got myself sorted and could live again. There has been dark days since but I'm a better place to deal with them.   

Sorry for the long post but even though its been 16 years I still feel like pressure is being released with every letter I type in this post. I told my story to a youth team within my club recently and one of the young lads came to me after and asked if he could speak to me, he was going through the same as he buried his Dad last September. The manager is good friend of mine and asked if I'd speak to them group about mental health and how its ok not to be ok. The lads mother rung me a few weeks ago to thank me for the effort I've put in with him. I'm not saying that I'm an expert or looking praise but if I can help one person then I've achieved something.

Have a word with somebody folks, no matter how trivial you think it is, you need to talk.

I can absolutely relate.

About eight years ago friend once organized a singles meetup dinner thing in a nearby city, mainly for my benefit because she knew I wasn't well and needed a bit of company in my life. I was nervous but drove there anyway. When I got to the restaurant there were about ten other fellas and eleven women, all single and ready to mingle. I felt the anxiety building. They were making the seating arrangements at a big long table and I just felt a wave of terror wash over me. I went to the restroom and hid for a while, then came back out and made my apologies to my friend, saying "I see you're a bit short of seats, I don't mind leaving." I got back in my car and cried on my way home, then texted my friend saying "I'm really sorry. I just can't do this right now."

I felt awful because she'd gone to a lot of trouble, but she was very understanding. It's always okay to talk about it.

And because in your own head you feel you've let her down so everything becomes really bad again. I've have that feeling before to. The process of thinking logically doesn't exsist. I'm sure your friend didn't mind but you couldn't see that.

I had a bit of downer 3 weeks ago, went for a promotion at work and didn't get it. World fell apart for 2 days. I couldn't see anyway how I could continue to work with these people, paranoia set in and instead of being thankful that I have a wife & 2 beautiful kids, I was cursing them up and down for being part of the reason I didn't get the job. Thankfully I started to think straight and things settled quite quickly for me. I had a chat with the local parish priest and although it's not everybody's cup of tea, I've found myself praying a lot more now than I ever did. I suppose it is a form of release aswell.

Insane Bolt

Quote from: paddyjohn on June 12, 2018, 08:06:18 PM
Quote from: Eamonnca1 on May 04, 2018, 05:46:53 PM
Quote from: paddyjohn on March 02, 2018, 11:50:10 AM
I lost my best friend to suicide on the 19th March 2001 and buried my father on New Years Day 2002. Inside 9 months I went from a young cocky 20 year old to being complete mess. Depression was something that never entered my head, in my head I was mourning, it was normal. Then bang on Paddys day 2002, I didn't know but a few of my friends had arranged to come lift me and we were for the local to watch the club finals, they wanted to suprise me so I couldn't back out, as I took my first step out of the house, I froze, I couldn't do it. I made an excuse and went back to bed, cold sweats started and I cried into my pillow, again I told myself that I was mourning. One of my mates had rung a girl who I had been seeing before my fathers passing, he told her what had happened and she sent me a text out of the blue a few days later about having a chat, she was a trainee nurse who had spotted the signs after my best mate died the previous year. I met her for a chat a few days later, she told me what she had thought and how my behaviour had changed throughout 2001 and thats why our relationship had ended in her opinion. She accompanied me to see a doctor who diagnosed me with depression. I was scared and to be honest I was embarrassed but at the same time I felt like my world had changed, I could think clear again, I could look people in the eye without fear of bursting into tears when they asked about me or my family. I spoke to my family and told them what had happened and how I had been feeling, they knew what was happening and only then did it strike me that I was never alone, everywhere I went there was one of them with me, they were scared that I was going to do the same as my best mate but didn't want to say it straight out. Thankfully after a few months of spilling my thoughts out to the doctor, I had got myself sorted and could live again. There has been dark days since but I'm a better place to deal with them.   

Sorry for the long post but even though its been 16 years I still feel like pressure is being released with every letter I type in this post. I told my story to a youth team within my club recently and one of the young lads came to me after and asked if he could speak to me, he was going through the same as he buried his Dad last September. The manager is good friend of mine and asked if I'd speak to them group about mental health and how its ok not to be ok. The lads mother rung me a few weeks ago to thank me for the effort I've put in with him. I'm not saying that I'm an expert or looking praise but if I can help one person then I've achieved something.

Have a word with somebody folks, no matter how trivial you think it is, you need to talk.

I can absolutely relate.

About eight years ago friend once organized a singles meetup dinner thing in a nearby city, mainly for my benefit because she knew I wasn't well and needed a bit of company in my life. I was nervous but drove there anyway. When I got to the restaurant there were about ten other fellas and eleven women, all single and ready to mingle. I felt the anxiety building. They were making the seating arrangements at a big long table and I just felt a wave of terror wash over me. I went to the restroom and hid for a while, then came back out and made my apologies to my friend, saying "I see you're a bit short of seats, I don't mind leaving." I got back in my car and cried on my way home, then texted my friend saying "I'm really sorry. I just can't do this right now."

I felt awful because she'd gone to a lot of trouble, but she was very understanding. It's always okay to talk about it.

And because in your own head you feel you've let her down so everything becomes really bad again. I've have that feeling before to. The process of thinking logically doesn't exsist. I'm sure your friend didn't mind but you couldn't see that.

I had a bit of downer 3 weeks ago, went for a promotion at work and didn't get it. World fell apart for 2 days. I couldn't see anyway how I could continue to work with these people, paranoia set in and instead of being thankful that I have a wife & 2 beautiful kids, I was cursing them up and down for being part of the reason I didn't get the job. Thankfully I started to think straight and things settled quite quickly for me. I had a chat with the local parish priest and although it's not everybody's cup of tea, I've found myself praying a lot more now than I ever did. I suppose it is a form of release aswell.

It's very important to talk....doesn't matter who to just so long as you talk....it is a form of release, and as for prayer....never knew it to harm anyone. Enjoy your kids....blink of an eye until they fly the nest. Best of luck👍

paddyjohn

Quote from: Insane Bolt on June 12, 2018, 08:40:13 PM
Quote from: paddyjohn on June 12, 2018, 08:06:18 PM
Quote from: Eamonnca1 on May 04, 2018, 05:46:53 PM
Quote from: paddyjohn on March 02, 2018, 11:50:10 AM
I lost my best friend to suicide on the 19th March 2001 and buried my father on New Years Day 2002. Inside 9 months I went from a young cocky 20 year old to being complete mess. Depression was something that never entered my head, in my head I was mourning, it was normal. Then bang on Paddys day 2002, I didn't know but a few of my friends had arranged to come lift me and we were for the local to watch the club finals, they wanted to suprise me so I couldn't back out, as I took my first step out of the house, I froze, I couldn't do it. I made an excuse and went back to bed, cold sweats started and I cried into my pillow, again I told myself that I was mourning. One of my mates had rung a girl who I had been seeing before my fathers passing, he told her what had happened and she sent me a text out of the blue a few days later about having a chat, she was a trainee nurse who had spotted the signs after my best mate died the previous year. I met her for a chat a few days later, she told me what she had thought and how my behaviour had changed throughout 2001 and thats why our relationship had ended in her opinion. She accompanied me to see a doctor who diagnosed me with depression. I was scared and to be honest I was embarrassed but at the same time I felt like my world had changed, I could think clear again, I could look people in the eye without fear of bursting into tears when they asked about me or my family. I spoke to my family and told them what had happened and how I had been feeling, they knew what was happening and only then did it strike me that I was never alone, everywhere I went there was one of them with me, they were scared that I was going to do the same as my best mate but didn't want to say it straight out. Thankfully after a few months of spilling my thoughts out to the doctor, I had got myself sorted and could live again. There has been dark days since but I'm a better place to deal with them.   

Sorry for the long post but even though its been 16 years I still feel like pressure is being released with every letter I type in this post. I told my story to a youth team within my club recently and one of the young lads came to me after and asked if he could speak to me, he was going through the same as he buried his Dad last September. The manager is good friend of mine and asked if I'd speak to them group about mental health and how its ok not to be ok. The lads mother rung me a few weeks ago to thank me for the effort I've put in with him. I'm not saying that I'm an expert or looking praise but if I can help one person then I've achieved something.

Have a word with somebody folks, no matter how trivial you think it is, you need to talk.

I can absolutely relate.

About eight years ago friend once organized a singles meetup dinner thing in a nearby city, mainly for my benefit because she knew I wasn't well and needed a bit of company in my life. I was nervous but drove there anyway. When I got to the restaurant there were about ten other fellas and eleven women, all single and ready to mingle. I felt the anxiety building. They were making the seating arrangements at a big long table and I just felt a wave of terror wash over me. I went to the restroom and hid for a while, then came back out and made my apologies to my friend, saying "I see you're a bit short of seats, I don't mind leaving." I got back in my car and cried on my way home, then texted my friend saying "I'm really sorry. I just can't do this right now."

I felt awful because she'd gone to a lot of trouble, but she was very understanding. It's always okay to talk about it.

And because in your own head you feel you've let her down so everything becomes really bad again. I've have that feeling before to. The process of thinking logically doesn't exsist. I'm sure your friend didn't mind but you couldn't see that.

I had a bit of downer 3 weeks ago, went for a promotion at work and didn't get it. World fell apart for 2 days. I couldn't see anyway how I could continue to work with these people, paranoia set in and instead of being thankful that I have a wife & 2 beautiful kids, I was cursing them up and down for being part of the reason I didn't get the job. Thankfully I started to think straight and things settled quite quickly for me. I had a chat with the local parish priest and although it's not everybody's cup of tea, I've found myself praying a lot more now than I ever did. I suppose it is a form of release aswell.

It's very important to talk....doesn't matter who to just so long as you talk....it is a form of release, and as for prayer....never knew it to harm anyone. Enjoy your kids....blink of an eye until they fly the nest. Best of luck👍

Yip, talking is the key to it all. They are already to big to hold Daddies hand in their way to nursery and P1 lol

Cheers pal.. 👍👍

Puckoon

That won't last forever. They'll be holding daddy's hand intermittently between now and 9/10.

It's a lovely physical connection and it can lift your spirits with the slightest of touch.

I share custody of my daughter with her Mum and to be honest I don't know where I fit on the mental health scale but I know I'm pass remarkably happier when she's under my roof and when we're engaging with each other. She's 10 now and starting to assert herself and push the boundaries. There have hands down been times when she's my sole reason for everything. A great comfort.

Best of luck and keep talking and enjoy those moments of connection with your kids when you get them.

imtommygunn

There's a boy i now work with who i've known years and would now be very concerned about his mental health.

I think he is depressed but also thinks everyone is out to get him so he won't actually admit anything or get any help as he thinks doctors will put him on medication and his dad , who struggles too, has told him if he goes to a doctor they will "try and control him".

At the very least this thread is good because people are talking about it or admitting they have an issue but this fella won't at all :(

paddyjohn

Quote from: Puckoon on June 13, 2018, 04:45:46 AM
That won't last forever. They'll be holding daddy's hand intermittently between now and 9/10.

It's a lovely physical connection and it can lift your spirits with the slightest of touch.

I share custody of my daughter with her Mum and to be honest I don't know where I fit on the mental health scale but I know I'm pass remarkably happier when she's under my roof and when we're engaging with each other. She's 10 now and starting to assert herself and push the boundaries. There have hands down been times when she's my sole reason for everything. A great comfort.

Best of luck and keep talking and enjoy those moments of connection with your kids when you get them.

The last few weeks have been good as I've almost felt guilty for blaming them, when it turn it was my own shortcomings that didn't get me the job so I've been spoiling them. The comfort I get from them is second to none.

paddyjohn

Quote from: imtommygunn on June 13, 2018, 07:41:08 AM
There's a boy i now work with who i've known years and would now be very concerned about his mental health.

I think he is depressed but also thinks everyone is out to get him so he won't actually admit anything or get any help as he thinks doctors will put him on medication and his dad , who struggles too, has told him if he goes to a doctor they will "try and control him".

At the very least this thread is good because people are talking about it or admitting they have an issue but this fella won't at all :(

Admitting it is the hardest thing to do, the lad needs a decent support from family members to help him instead of talking about doctors controlling him. There is very little you can as he might think you are sticking your nose in.

Insane Bolt

Quote from: paddyjohn on June 13, 2018, 08:54:37 AM
Quote from: Puckoon on June 13, 2018, 04:45:46 AM
That won't last forever. They'll be holding daddy's hand intermittently between now and 9/10.

It's a lovely physical connection and it can lift your spirits with the slightest of touch.

I share custody of my daughter with her Mum and to be honest I don't know where I fit on the mental health scale but I know I'm pass remarkably happier when she's under my roof and when we're engaging with each other. She's 10 now and starting to assert herself and push the boundaries. There have hands down been times when she's my sole reason for everything. A great comfort.

Best of luck and keep talking and enjoy those moments of connection with your kids when you get them.

The last few weeks have been good as I've almost felt guilty for blaming them, when it turn it was my own shortcomings that didn't get me the job so I've been spoiling them. The comfort I get from them is second to none.

I remember a wise man saying to me years ago that when you have kids your life is like a large jar of marbles and that each opportunity to do something with them meant taking a marble out that you could never put back. When I look back now I feel that I was selfish with my time, and feel very guilty. However when I talk to my kids they don't feel that I was selfish .....I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy every minute with them. I would love to have that time again.

paddyjohn

Quote from: Insane Bolt on June 13, 2018, 09:38:48 AM
Quote from: paddyjohn on June 13, 2018, 08:54:37 AM
Quote from: Puckoon on June 13, 2018, 04:45:46 AM
That won't last forever. They'll be holding daddy's hand intermittently between now and 9/10.

It's a lovely physical connection and it can lift your spirits with the slightest of touch.

I share custody of my daughter with her Mum and to be honest I don't know where I fit on the mental health scale but I know I'm pass remarkably happier when she's under my roof and when we're engaging with each other. She's 10 now and starting to assert herself and push the boundaries. There have hands down been times when she's my sole reason for everything. A great comfort.

Best of luck and keep talking and enjoy those moments of connection with your kids when you get them.

The last few weeks have been good as I've almost felt guilty for blaming them, when it turn it was my own shortcomings that didn't get me the job so I've been spoiling them. The comfort I get from them is second to none.

I remember a wise man saying to me years ago that when you have kids your life is like a large jar of marbles and that each opportunity to do something with them meant taking a marble out that you could never put back. When I look back now I feel that I was selfish with my time, and feel very guilty. However when I talk to my kids they don't feel that I was selfish .....I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy every minute with them. I would love to have that time again.

I've never heard that before but its very true. Yeah I've alot to be thankful for.

Rois

Quote from: imtommygunn on June 13, 2018, 07:41:08 AM
There's a boy i now work with who i've known years and would now be very concerned about his mental health.

I think he is depressed but also thinks everyone is out to get him so he won't actually admit anything or get any help as he thinks doctors will put him on medication and his dad , who struggles too, has told him if he goes to a doctor they will "try and control him".

At the very least this thread is good because people are talking about it or admitting they have an issue but this fella won't at all :(
Would he talk to you about it?
We did a mental health first aid course a few weeks back in work and the advice was that even if you end up falling out with him in the short term, at least he will know you are not afraid to mention it.

A girl I work with just got married to an Irish hockey player who has been incredibly open about his personal struggle:
www.the42.ie/paul-gleghorne-mental-health-hockey-interview-3379361-May2017/
It's a good read.


tintin25


Had a few turns recently but thankfully have perked up again and got involved in a few clubs/classes to the keep mind active.

Personally, my low points stem from the fact I'm not in any sort of relationship at the minute and I'm actually a little petrified at the thought of growing old alone.  Majority of friends are all married, in relationships and having babies, and I want what they have.  I constantly overanalyze previous relationships, questioning whether I should have ended it or indeed beating myself up as to why they ended it.

Realise you should never compare your life to others and other aspects of my life are very good (compared to others here) but it's hard to shake at times.