Depression

Started by Eamonnca1, October 25, 2013, 09:11:55 PM

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Eamonnca1

Quote from: tbrick18 on March 12, 2023, 10:45:39 AM
As I've said before on here, by teenage lad has had his problems.
He had been doing well and was discharged from CAHMS last november.
His older sister recently saw bloodied tissues and broken razor blades in his room and when I confronted him he broke down and admitted he's been cutting himself.
It's an absolute gut punch.
He was very clever about how he was doing it, up high on his legs close to his groin where his underwhere would hide it no matter the circumstances.
He says he hates himself, feels ugly and useless.
So back to the doctors and he has to be re-referred to cahms which takes a min 9 weeks. GP doesn't believe he's suicidal but every time he closes his bedroom door or takes a bath the panic sets in.
The relief when he comes out is just impossible to describe.

We're really trying not to keep asking him how he is as that upsets him too.
It's just so difficult to know what to do or say to help other than tell him he can talk to us any time.
But he doesnt.

My eldest daugther is away at the moment on a ski trip from school and he'd love to do it. I told him he could go next year when he's eligible but he doesnt want to go away with the school. Says he'd want to do it as a family holiday.
So I'm looking into taking him somewhere for a few days, just the two of us as we already have a family holiday booked for the north coast come summer.

Anyone any suggestions? I was thinking Paris maybe as he loves Art.
Prices are ridiculous though.

Any suggestions that might be suitable for a young lad to see the sights and maybe have some teenager type activities?

Any art galleries in Ireland that'd excite him?

Mourne Red

Quote from: tbrick18 on March 12, 2023, 10:45:39 AM
As I've said before on here, by teenage lad has had his problems.
He had been doing well and was discharged from CAHMS last november.
His older sister recently saw bloodied tissues and broken razor blades in his room and when I confronted him he broke down and admitted he's been cutting himself.
It's an absolute gut punch.
He was very clever about how he was doing it, up high on his legs close to his groin where his underwhere would hide it no matter the circumstances.
He says he hates himself, feels ugly and useless.
So back to the doctors and he has to be re-referred to cahms which takes a min 9 weeks. GP doesn't believe he's suicidal but every time he closes his bedroom door or takes a bath the panic sets in.
The relief when he comes out is just impossible to describe.

We're really trying not to keep asking him how he is as that upsets him too.
It's just so difficult to know what to do or say to help other than tell him he can talk to us any time.
But he doesnt.

My eldest daugther is away at the moment on a ski trip from school and he'd love to do it. I told him he could go next year when he's eligible but he doesnt want to go away with the school. Says he'd want to do it as a family holiday.
So I'm looking into taking him somewhere for a few days, just the two of us as we already have a family holiday booked for the north coast come summer.

Anyone any suggestions? I was thinking Paris maybe as he loves Art.
Prices are ridiculous though.

Any suggestions that might be suitable for a young lad to see the sights and maybe have some teenager type activities?

Paris in the Autumn might be a bit cheaper tbrick if you've heart set on it? Me and the other half went there a couple of years ago and was cheaper than other times of the year. Also into Louvre and other things like that u25s go free just need him to show his passport (Irish is free).

Also if want something soon for him there's an immersive Van Gough exhibit in Belfast currently, would be good for him.

https://vangoghexpo.com/belfast/

Maybe if there's any outside of school art clubs or classes you could sign him up for if he wants that? Could meet people/make friends and could get absorbed in his passion helps channel emotions into something? I know that's what I've found helpful in the past personally whether it's Playing football/coaching or gym as long as I had something to occupy me I wouldn't be as bad with my mental health

seafoid

Amsterdam or Rome and maybe go mid week if it's important.
"f**k it, just score"- Donaghy   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxG2WwVRjU

naka

Just back from a couple of days in Madrid with teenage son
Weather relatively warm, sun shining
Easy flights out of Dublin a couple of times a day
And plenty to see
From castle , museum , park, food market and bernabeau
Not to expensive

tbrick18

Thanks for all the suggestions, I do like the idea of outdoors actually.
West coast road trip could be the quick win.

That van gough exhibit might be a winner too.

He also has GCSE's coming up, which doesnt help the stress levels. He just can't settle himself to work at anything, apart from his Art coursework.
To be fair, his school are very understanding an helpful.


brokencrossbar1

Quote from: tbrick18 on March 13, 2023, 11:34:25 AM
Thanks for all the suggestions, I do like the idea of outdoors actually.
West coast road trip could be the quick win.

That van gough exhibit might be a winner too.

He also has GCSE's coming up, which doesnt help the stress levels. He just can't settle himself to work at anything, apart from his Art coursework.
To be fair, his school are very understanding an helpful.

Highly recommend the Van Gogh experience. Went to it and was really enjoyable,  he'd get a lot out of it

quit yo jibbajabba

Quote from: tbrick18 on March 13, 2023, 11:34:25 AM
Thanks for all the suggestions, I do like the idea of outdoors actually.
West coast road trip could be the quick win.

That van gough exhibit might be a winner too.

He also has GCSE's coming up, which doesnt help the stress levels. He just can't settle himself to work at anything, apart from his Art coursework.
To be fair, his school are very understanding an helpful.

Wish you all the best Tbrick. Behind the username you just know lies a decent spud. Fatherhood not easy

AustinPowers

#652
Quote from: tbrick18 on March 13, 2023, 11:34:25 AM
Thanks for all the suggestions, I do like the idea of outdoors actually.
West coast road trip could be the quick win.

That van gough exhibit might be a winner too.

He also has GCSE's coming up, which doesnt help the stress levels. He just can't settle himself to work at anything, apart from his Art coursework.
To be fair, his school are very understanding an helpful.

The Outdoors I  find are very good for me.  Especially remote isolated spots  along the west coast.  The stunning scenery, waves crashing ,  climbing a hill, sea swimming , bike hire or just walking along a beach etc etc.  I think a lot of us struggle to  switch off especially from technology and reconnecting with nature  is a great  thing

There are yoga retreats on a few of the islands of west coast,  possibly art/pottery classes as well.  Hire a bike to do the greenways. Lots of mountains to climb, individually or in groups.  I  been to a few of the islands and  they're are fantastic  for switching off .  Not being able to take the car , forcing you to cycle or walk everywhere  I found  such freedom and headspace.

Anyway,  just  my own tuppence worth. What works for me mightn't work for others. But good luck.

Mikhail Prokhorov

get your sleep right, eat healthy, exercise (every day, do not miss this even if only 10 minutes)

sounds easy but those 3 things will make a massive difference to your head

set goals, not too big but enough to make it a challenge and work from there

good luck

samuel maguire

All the best Tbrick, sounds like you are under a lot of pressure, teenagers can be tricky.

Is your son sporty? I used to always enjoy playing a few games of tennis/squash with my old man followed by a bite of lunch etc. I enjoyed the competitiveness of it and really helped bring both of our guards down.
Something fun with a bit of craic, somewhere/something were you both can have a laugh for a couple of hours/days, and come home feeling refreshed and in good form.

Hope you get something sorted to take both of your minds of the recent struggles

delgany

#655
Covid has had a sizeable impact on 4th(yr11) & 5th (12) year pupils. These years had just moved schools and the whole transition proceess was upended. They were isolated to  using online learning and making friends on whats app. My youngest has struggled to find her feet at secondary school. Ive asked the school what are they doing to integrate the children - they havent a clue. Its very tough for them. We as parents just have to be there for them, re assure them and take the knock backs.

imtommygunn

It's hard to know with the covid thing and the impact on kids. Our wee boy was born the June before it and then once he got to an age where he would have started to form relationships with aunties / uncles / grandparents etc there was lockdown. It definitely had an impact but hopefully we are out the other side now. It will have had a significant impact on lots of kids development though hopefully most if not all will recover it in time.

Eamonnca1

I really feel for kids that were caught up on Covid at such a crucial time of their lives. It'll probably scar them for life. I thought I had it bad going to an all-boys school for three years from age 11 to 13 and then being "reunited" with girls with a completely differently wired brain. I found it very hard to deal with. Damned if I know how kids at that age are supposed to cope with being cut off from their mates for the best part of two years. It's not natural for teenagers to be kept apart.

Milltown Row2

Fingers crossed tbrick, waiting that length of time to be seen again only builds the frustration on your end even more!!

We are light years behind other countries in this department, even private places are hard to come by and getting that expertise is becoming even more difficult.

Place near me is the Miralibis insitute doing a lot of trauma therapy and others sprouting up to help with the backlog
None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Ea

tbrick18

Thanks for all the messages chaps, it does help tbh.
I've mentioned the Van Gogh exhibit and he'd love to go to that so must get it planned in.
He also likes the idea of a tour down the west. We have friend who hires out a camper, I suggested we take it for a long weekend and just head off. Mixed response but I think it would be a good option myself.

Covid lockdown definitely affected my kids.
During lockdown one of my kids was coming to the end of P7, this wee lad was in 1st year and our oldest was in 4th year. This is when they form relationships and friend groups and that was all missed.
We also suspect our lad might be struggling with his sexuality - but no real evidence to this other than that his friends are almost all girls. Its one of those ones where that could be because he has so much anxiety he can't relate to typical teen boy behaviour, or it could be because he might think he's gay.
We would always make sure all of our kids know we'd have no issues with anything like that (and in fact one of his mums Sister's is gay and lives with her partner), but I don't think it would help him if we confronted him about it either.

He used to play football at under age, was a decent wee player but that has all gone now.
I managed to get him to start going to golf lessons with a wee lad who he went to primary with (now at a different school). He actually played at a school tournament last week. I know the teacher in the school who runs it and I explained the craic to him and he persuaded him to go. Think he was awful, but he actually enjoyed it. So perhaps that's an outside interest to keep the head clear. He loves getting to the Derry matches (even the odd Tyrone match), but the night we found him cutting was after the mckenna cup final. He was in really good form that night on the way home, then he went to his room and cut himself. 

All we can do is be there for him, try to get him all the help we can and hope we can get him through it what ever way we can.